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Christmas Party Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human
Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party
I’m
happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will
take place on December 23,starting at noon in the private
function room at the Grill House.
There will be a cash bar
and plenty of drinks!
We’ll have a small
band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along.
And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed
as Santa Claus!
A Christmas tree will be
lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be
done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00
to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets.
This gathering is only for
employees!
A special announcement will
be made by our CEO at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and
your family.
Patty
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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human
Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 2
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday’s
memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Chanukah
is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas,
though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we’re
calling it our
"Holiday Party"
The same policy applies
to any other employees who are not Christians, or those
still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
There will be no Christmas
tree. No Christmas carols sung.
We will have other types
of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and
your family
Patty.
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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human
Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received
from a member of A-A requesting a non-drinking table ...
you didn’t sign your name.
I’m happy to accommodate
this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,"AA
Only"; you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore.
How am I supposed to handle
this? Somebody?
Forget about the gifts exchange,
no gifts exchange are allowed since
the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and
executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE
ALLOWED.
Patty
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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human
Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we
are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy
month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours.
There goes the party! Seriously,
we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does
not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs.
Perhaps the Grill House
can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the
party - or else package everything for you to take it home
in little foil doggy bag. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I’ve arranged
for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from
he dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table
closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit
with each other.
Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will
have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower
arrangement for the Gay men’s table.
To the person asking permission
to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though We will
have booster seats and fruits as dessert for Diabetics.
The restaurant cannot supply "No
Sugar"
desserts.
Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human
Resources Director
TO: All #%&$ing Employees
DATE: December 10
RE: The #$%*!@% Holiday
Party
Vegetarians?!?!?!? I’ve
had it with you people!!!
We’re going to keep
this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not,
so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill
of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll
get your #$%^&*! salad bar, including organic tomatoes.
But you know, tomatoes have
feelings, too. They scream when you slice them.
I’ve heard them scream.
I’m hearing them scream right NOW!
I hope you all have a rotten
holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!
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FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting
Human Resources Director
DATE: December 14
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday
Party
’m sure I speak for
all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery, and
I’ll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, management
has decided to cancel our Holiday Party, and give everyone
the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
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