The Monkey

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey.

He orders a drink and while he's drinking,

the monkey jumps all around the place. The

monkey grabs some olives off the bar and

eats them. Then he  grabs some sliced limes

and eats them. He then jumps onto the pool

table and grabs one of the billiard balls.

To everyone's amazement, he sticks it in

 his mouth, and somehow swallows it whole.


The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you

see what your monkey just did?"


"No, what?"


"He just ate the cue ball off my pool

table...  whole!"


 "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied

the guy, "he eats everything in sight.

Sorry! I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."


The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill,

pays for the stuff the monkey ate and

leaves.


Two weeks later the guy is in the bar again,

 and has his monkey with him. He orders a

drink and the monkey starts running around

 the bar again. While the man is finishing

his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino

 cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it

  up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

 Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again

 sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and

eats it.


 The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see

what your monkey did now?"


"No, what?" replied the man.


 "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a

 peanut up his butt, pulled them out, and

ate  them!" said the bartender.


Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied

the guy. "He still eats everything in

sight, but ever since he had to shit that

cue ball, he measures everything first!