December 8 - 6:00 PM.
It started to snow. The first snow of
the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for
hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down
from heaven. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love
snow!
December 9 -
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white
snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic
sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World?
Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the
first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our
driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came
along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway,
so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12 -
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment.
My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white
Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll
have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want
to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such
a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbour.
December 14 -
Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature
dropped to
-20 C. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my
breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.
This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and
buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do
quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape
this way. I wish I wouldn't :.huff and puff so.
December 15 -
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4
Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.
Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the
electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska,
after all.
December 16 -
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the
ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed
for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17 -
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to
go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets
on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try
not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove,
but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I
can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20 -
Electricity's back on, but had another 14"
of the damn stuff
last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Bloody snowplow came
by twice. Tried to find a neighbour kid to shovel, but they said
they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called
the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower
and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think
they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have
it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22 -
Bob was right about a white Christmas because
13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold
it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get
all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to take a
leak. By the time I got undressed, took a load off my mind and
dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob
who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but
he says he's too busy. I think the jerk is lying.
December 23 -
Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to
O. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this
morning. What is she - nuts!!!
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she
did but I think she's lying.
December 24 -
6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke
the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son
of a bitch who drives that snowplow I'll drag him through the
snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel.
I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish
shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an
hour and throws snow allover where I've just been! Tonight the
wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our
presents, but I was too busy watching for the blasted snowplow.
December 25 -
Merry bloody Christmas! 20 more inches of the
bloody slop
tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.
God I hate
the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation
and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I
have a bad attitude. I think she's a frigging idiot. If I have
to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm
going to stuff her into the microwave.
December 26 -
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move
here? It was all
HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27 -
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze,
plumber came
after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400
to replace all my pipes.
December 28 -
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The wife
is driving
me crazy!!!
December 29 -
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the
roof or it could
cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does
he think I am?
December 30 -
Roof caved in. I beat up the snowplow driver he
is now suing
me for a million dollars not only the beating I gave him but
also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his rear
end. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.
December 31 -
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more
shoveling.
January 8 -
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills
they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
